"I tried to look for you when I received your first e-mail. I wanted to say that I accept your apology personally but when I located your whereabout, I saw you leaving the IBM room in a hurry. I followed. I suspected you are going to see Lisa. I was right."

I was quite shock by her revelation.

"I hid behind the book shelf and watched the two of you. I really don't mind if two of you just talk. But she kissed your hands..." she sobbed.

At this time we were attracting quite an attention. I felt uneasy. Lisa was embarrassed and regretted her action. Both of us sat there feeling remorseful and guilty. Both of us did not say any word.

"Min, do you love her or do you love me?" Sally asked painfully.

"I..." I did not know how to reply. On one hand I was afraid to disappoint Sally. On the other hand I wanted to use the situation to tell Lisa that I still love her sincerely.

Sally stood there expecting a reply. I just stared at the table. Lisa was looking at me, half afraid of the reply. I knew she would want me to go back to Sally but I wanted to tell her I love her.

Sally closed her eyes and said, "I know your reply. I know. I can only say that I was wrong about your feelings. I was wrong in my judgement. I was just too hopeful."

She tried to stop her sobbings but failed. "Min, I love you but you love her right?" she asked. She tried to fake a smile but it was futile. "Why am I still standing here? I... I got to go." she said tearfully and ran upstairs.

Lisa was quite shocked. She looked at me again.

"Min, I really don't know what to say to you. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have."

She need not say sorry. Her kiss was worth it in my eyes. I realised now that I love her much more than Sally. But then, will it help? It was too late anyway.

Just then Roger came along. He was more controlled than before. He saw us and walked over. He still look as good as before.

"Am I disturbing both of you? Hey, how come there are people looking at both of you?"

"No. Min had some problems that we were trying to solve."

"Oh! I just wanted to remind Lisa that the show will start soon and we must hurry."

"Min, I think need to go now. I am sorry. Talk to me again if you have any problem that I can help. See you."

Roger wanted to hold her hand but she withdrew hers. I stared at their images as they walked up the staircase.

I did not know how long I stared at the staircase. I only found myself weeping silently sometime later. It was quite unbelievable. At one moment I was with two girls whom I like very much. The next moment both of them left me. It was a strange feeling.

Strange thoughts began to cross my mind. Perhaps I was meant to be single. Perhaps I was meant to have only temporary girlfriends only. Perhaps all girls are not meant to stay long with me. Perhaps.

Life was back to 'normal'. It was a silent and uneventful Christmas week for me. A friend had tried to ask me to go to his Church but I was too sad even to consider. I only wanted to spend some time alone, sorting out my thoughts and feelings. It was a difficult week to pass through. I wanted to call Lisa, but I knew she had better company. I wanted to call Sally too, but I supposed she did not want to talk to me, at least for that week.

Many people had New Year resolutions. So had I. But will it ever come true? Will it be realised? I prayed silently that it will.

When term resumes in the new year, I was even more miserable. It was very sad to see Lisa so happy without me. It was even harder when I saw Sally sad and sorrowful. She seemed to be avoiding me. I felt so close to them, yet so far. Just too far to even talk.

I decided to call her after the first week. She picked up the call herself.

"To what do I owe this honour?" she said curtly.

"Why do you say this? Can't I just call?"

"I do not wish to talk to you or anything about this. Please don't call me."

"Wait... I really want to say I was sorry. Yes I really do like Lisa but that doesn't mean I don't like you."

"So?"

"Nothing. I also want to tell you that I was very sad at that time so Lisa consoled me. We talked about our relationship. About some problems I was facing."

"Problems? What problems? Please explain."

"I was confused as to whether I like you or your money. I hate to like you for your money but that could be true. But I must say I was very happy with you."

"Huh? Why don't you tell me this? Why can't you discuss this with me before you discuss with her? Am I second in your eyes?"

"No... it's just that I find that I am better in relating my problems to her. I think she understands me a lot. I just wanted to discuss our problems with her."

"So what? Does she have to kiss your hands?"

"Why are you so possessive?"

"Possessive? Would any girl like another girl to hold her boyfriend's hand, let alone kiss it?"

"She and me were very close once."

"But that does not give you any reason to do that. If you really love only me, then you would not allow that to happen."

She was right. I love Lisa too. And I know she still have some affection for me. It's just that she loves Roger more than me. The conversation did not last more than ten minutes. I have explained to Sally what happened. I did not expect her to come back. Perhaps I really like her, not love her.

I was miserable for a long time. Life was just so boring. Somehow I did not miss Sally, but I kept thinking of Lisa. Somehow I just hoped that Lisa would know that someone is thinking of her every hour, every minute. Would the heaven tell her please? She ought to know how I felt for her. But then it was no use. She was happy the way she was.

The examinations were approaching fast. I found it quite hard to concentrate on my studies. Ken tried to help me too but each time I would decline his help. I just wanted to spend my time alone. I would daydream of my own princess whom I will meet someday and we would livr happily ever after. It was very silly but that's better than reality. It was only in my dream that I had someone I loved and someone who loved me too. Reality is always harder to take, harder to accept. It is also harsher and cruel. Somehow I learnt to believe only in dreams and learnt not to trust reality.

I focused my attention on my studies and my dream. The examinations came quickly and passed even quicker. It was not before long that I found myself with so much extra time. I did not need to go back to serve my remaining time in the army like some of my poor classmates. I had a lot of time to myself. Too much in fact. However, the extra time also began to make me feel very lonely. My mind began to work out of control again. Images of Lisa and Sally came aflashing. I felt so bad and was unable to concentrate on anything I do. Luckily it was after the examinations or else I would be in trouble.

I tried to get my mind off from such BGR things by looking for a job. I looked up the newspaper and found a job as a part-time tutor in a famous overseas educational centre. I taught O-level maths and physics.

Life began to get better as my mind was off from BGR problems. I taught 5 times a week to 3 classes. It was only at night and I got to have the day free. During the day I would either stay at home or go out with Ken and his girlfriend occasionally. Life was slowly getting better.

One day I reached the centre earlier than usual. The staff who worked during the day had not gone off work yet. I noticed a particular attractive girl. She has long hair and an almond shape face. Her eyes were quite beautiful. Her skin is fair and shiny. Her legs are long and slender. She looks quite good.

I approached her and sat at the customer chair. She saw me and started to speak to me.

"Interested in signing for a course?" she asked.

"Ehh...yes."

"What level are you in?"

"O-level."

She stared at me for a while. She must be thinking that I was too old to be an O-level student.

"What subjects are you interested to be tutored on?"

"Ehh..A Maths and E Maths."

"Sorry. The classes are full already. What about other subjects like Physics and Geography?"

"Physics please."

"Your name please?"

I told her my name, She looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. She stood up and went over to a filing cabinet and took out a file labelled 'Employee Particulars'. She flipped through and then stopped. She looked at me angrily and walked back to the reception desk.

"Are you trying to be funny? You are an employee aren't you?"

"Well, I am. I only want to talk to you."

She was furious when she heard this. She looked at me sternly and said,

"You want me to complain to the manager?"

I was startled. I did not expect her to be so fierce. I apologised to her and left for my lesson quickly, full of embarrassment.

The next day I went early like the day before. I wanted to catch a glimpse of her and perhaps to say sorry again.

She was there at her reception desk as usual. I sat down in front of her.

"Want to take up tuition again?" she asked naughtily.

"Well, this time is different. Now I want to ask give you an apology and I want to treat you to dinner or supper."

She smiled and replied "You have already said sorry yesterday. No, I do not go out with strangers. I am very sorry."

She looked so sweet when she smiled again. She was being diplomatic but then her smile was great. Somehow her reaction was quite different from yesterday.

"You can read my particulars from the employees file if you want. Then we would not be strangers right?" I asked cheekily.

She gave a half-smile and said "No. Thank you very much. I am very flattered. Perhaps some other time.". Her body language gestured me to get lost.

I got up from the chair with a bruised ego. She was so nice. She declined me with style though not so gently. I like her style.

I went ahead with my teaching. When lessons were over at nine p.m., I bade the students goodbye and packed up my stuff. When I pass the reception, I noticed her sitting there. I walked over to the waiting area.

"Hi, aren't you going back?" I asked.

"I am waiting for you."

I was quite pleasantly surprised. "Do I have the honour to send you back?"

She smiled sweetly and we left the place together. I learnt that she really looked at my particulars and was satisfied that I come from a 'clean' background.

"So is this your permanent job?" I asked her.

"No. Like you I am waiting for my first year accountancy results."

"Oh, then we are on the same boat right?"

She smiled. We walked passed a hawker centre which was still bustling with life and vigour. The place was famous for many local food.

"Hey, want to have supper or late dinner?" I asked.

"I had my dinner. Supper will do."

I treated her to one of the local delicacies. We talked on a wide range of topics and discussed many 'issues' at great length. I learnt that her father was deceased and her mother was supporting two children. Her elder brother is in Engineering in NUS. She needed to earn her own pocket money herself. She also had to pay part of her own NTU tuition fees. That was why she was working then. Quite a remarkable girl.

"Have you had any boyfriend?"

"Yes. Some time ago. We broke off one year ago."

"Oh I am sorry."

I was curious why they broke off. I asked her,

"Who initiated it?"

"Him." she said matter-of-factly.

"You are quite beautiful and nice too. Why did he want to break off with you?"

"I don't know. Ask him lor."

I liked her reply. Perhaps she did not want to reply me. Perhaps the guy really dumped her for another girl, just like Lisa during her first relationship. Perhaps it was she who left him.

After supper I volunteered to send her back. She agreed. We took a bus to her place. I also insisted to send her right to her door-step.

"Well, we have reached my door. Thank you for you treat."

"You are very welcome. I hope we can get together again. Can we?"

She did not say anything. She just smiled and opened her door and went inside. Before she closed the door she whispered,

"Tomorrow same time, same place. My treat. See you."

Through his eyes.