WE went out a few times after my lessons. We got to know each other quite well. I learnt that Yve did not want to commit herself to another relationship. I also found out that my liking for her was quite superficial. It was a crush only. She was like a good colleague to me. A good confidant. A good friend. A very good friend indeed as I learnt later on.

We would talk about our own experiences in love. I told her about Lisa and Sally. She told me about her weakness. She said that one failure was enough for her. She did not want to experience another.

"Why are you so afraid to try again?"

"Because I do not want to fail again."

She was quite stubborn. She just refused to change. I tried to tell her not to shut herself out of this world.

"But if you don't try, you will never succeed!"

"But if I do not try, I will never fail!" she snapped back quickly. Her eyes glaring at me. They were quite fierce and they burned deep into mine.

"You are stubborn and hot-tempered." I retorted.

I waited for her to cool down a bit before asking her "How did you know him?"

"Who? Him?"

I nodded my head. I was really curious about him and her relationship.

"He was my JC classmate. We went steady in our JC first year. We were quite immature then. We believed in all the things that romance will bring when we don't even know what love is. Such were the days then. He was good to me. One day in the middle of our second year, a friend saw him going out with another girl. I questioned him about it and he admitted it. He lied to me earlier that he was going for his ECA. I forgave him. I was quite foolish to let him go like that."

Sometimes wisdom eludes me. I just do not understand why the guy would want to cheat her when I find her so wonderful and perfect.

"We went on as nothing happened. Then one day nearing the prelims, I discovered that he went out with the girl again. This time it was to a park near our JC. When I confronted him again, he said that the girl needed someone to help her in her school work as the exams were near. I was furious. I mean, she could have asked other guys for help, why must she ask him to help? I told him that we were finished and that he had used his only chance. We did not talk for many days after that."

I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she related the story. I pitied her for being cheated the second time.

"Just after the prelims, he asked me out. He said he wanted to give me back my things. I thought it was true and I agreed to meet him. We met at the park near our school and there he pleaded me to go back to him. He said 'I really can't live without you. I promise not to see her again'. At first I was not taken by his pleas. Then he went over to the middle of the road and stood at the bend. He said that unless I agree, he would not come back to the pavement. I thought he was joking. Just then, a truck really came by quite fast. I shouted to him to jump aside but he was too shocked to react. Luckily the truck managed to stopped in time and only knocked him gently. He was quite shaken. I was so touched by his sincerity to change that I forgave him immediately.

"We continued to be together as before and even grew closer after the 'A' levels. We indulged in light pettings occasionally. Shortly he was due for enlistment. After his enlistment, I found work as a temporary relief teacher.

"Every weekend we would go out. Times were quite good. Until after his posting to the NCO school. He would come back home and refuse to go out with me, saying that he was very tired. Sometimes I would go over to his house to see him. We would talk about his 'punishment' during training and about his unreasonable instructors. I would also help him to pack his 'barang barang' for his next book-in. Life was quite okay. Then one day..."

She was really sobbing now. When I first knew her she was a fierce and 'strong' type of woman. But now under such emotional strain she just broke down. Girls are still girls after all.

"One day I couldn't get through to him. I thought his phone is damaged so I went over to visit him unannounced. I was at the foot of his block when I saw that girl with him again. I was so angry. I ran over and stopped them right in their tracks. Both of them were quite shocked to see me.

"She winced when she saw me raising my hand to slap him. He just stood there without moving. Then she said smugly, 'David do not want you because you are too hot tempered. You are just not feminine enough. You cannot give him what I can. You are not fit to be his girlfriend.'

"I was so angry that I slapped her as well. She looked so shocked and then she broke down and cried. David slapped me back in retaliation. I was so humiliated, angry and sad. I stood there and cried too. No one has ever slapped me before. David stood there and looked at both of us. Both of us were crying. But he eventually went to her and pacified her, holding her in his arms. I felt so neglected, so unwanted and so unloved. I ran away from the place, from both of them. It was quite obvious that he has chosen her over me. From then on, I've never heard from David or her again, even until now.

"If he wanted to leave me because he did not like my temper, he could have told me. I could have changed. I am still thinking of what that girl said when she said that I cannot give him something that she could. I just don't know the real reason why he left me for her."

So that was how she broke of with her boyfriend. She was quite right when she said that she did not know why her ex-boyfriend wanted to 'leave' her by going out with the second girl because she still cannot control her own temper. She also did not know that her temper can really make her lose out in this world. She is also quite an independent person, a threat to some guys.

"I tried to change myself as much as I can but it was too hard. I wanted to learn how to tolerate others. I tried hard. The other day when you came over and played a prank on me, I was quite angry. The next day I tried to show you that I had 'forgiven' you by accepting you treat. Please don't be angry. I think I have lost my first boyfriend this way. Believe me, I really want to change but...."

It was quite sad to see her crying. I did not know how to console her. I am not good with words. I just held her in my arms. She said later that she wanted to learn how to control her temper to keep her relationship in control.

There was once when we went to a hawker centre after lesson. She asked me more about Lisa. I told her how we met and why we were not together. I also told her about Roger.

"So she preferred you to Roger?" she asked.

"Must be. If not she would be with me."

"You have not really shown or showered her with concern. Roger did. Roger is willing to hunger himself for her and willing to change for her. Will you?"

That question really stumped me. I have never thought of that. I searched my mind and could not find any thing 'sacrificial' that I did for Lisa that I can boast about. I only realised this too late.

"If you really love her, then you should not mind her past mistakes. You should forgive her. You should even sacrifice your precious time and efforts for her. You had been too stubborn. When you decided to put everything on hold, she must really felt unwanted and hunger for love. She hoped you would say yes but you did not."

"How would you know?" I asked. I was half-regretting what I did not do then.

"Min, I am a girl. I understand how a girl feel. You... you are quite insensitive. You should have said yes if you really love her then."

I regretted my action. I only realised that I really love her later but of course, all was too late then. And of course, there is no hope now.

"Roger came along and filled the void. Lisa is human too. As you said, she the emotional and passionate type. Someone who gives easily and receives easily. Such people are easy prey for others who make use of them."

I nodded in agreement.

"She needs love, care and concern during that period. Roger came along and showed her he is sincere and she accepted it. You were just too slow in actions and in realising your true feelings."

I looked at Yve's eyes. They were sincere and true. I was grateful for her lesson in love but it was all too late.

"You can forget about everthing now and start over a new leaf. Find a new person if you want."

"No, not now. Lisa is still very much alive in me. I still love her."

"If I could do it all over again I would change history. I really would. I still love her." I thought to myself.

The first year results were released. She did quite well. Ken passed well. I had a re-paper. I was actually quite happy considering my state of mental condition and the amount of work I put in. We went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate. It was quite expensive but we had earn ourselves a tidy sum and also this occasion really called for a celebration.

Just when we were about to eat, I saw Roger coming into the restaurant with Lisa tailing behind. Lisa saw me but Roger did not. We smiled at each other when they passed the sector where we were seated. They found themselves a place at another corner of the restaurant.

I observed them but I did not tell Yve. I saw them talking with animated gestures. Lisa seemed to be angry with him but Roger did not seem to care. At one point Lisa stood up and Roger motioned her to sit down fiercely. She obeyed and seemed to be sobbing inside her.

I continued talking to Yve about how I intend to spend the rest of my holiday. I told her I would spend my second last week in Indonesia with Ken.

Suddenly I heard Lisa shouting "Then why do you lie to me again?". A few of those patrons of the restaurants looked at them for a while. Roger was embarrassed and he said something to Lisa, perhaps trying to cool her down. They talked for a while.

"You liar! You liar! You said that the last time. I would not believe you again. And I am going to leave you! You hear me? I am going to leave you and you are going to regret this." Lisa shouted again.

This time Roger stood up and left the table without even saying a word to Lisa. He was quite embarrassed. She was left crying alone behind at the table. It was quite a scene.

I looked at Yve and told her "Yve, that's Lisa over there. I think Roger and her had quarreled. Roger left already and Lisa is crying. I am going over to take a look."

"I'll come along."

We walked over to her table, ignoring all those curious stares around us.

"Lisa, what happened?" I asked.

She looked up and shook her head.

"Tell me. Tell me what happened. Did Roger make you angry?" I asked.

She nodded her head. Amidst her sobbings she said "He is seeing the rich girl again. I asked him to stop but he refused. He said it was only once but I actually had friends who saw them together a few times. He even said that it was his and the rich girl's business, not mine and that he is at liberty to do anything he likes."

Yve touched my hand and whispered "Now is your chance Min. Take it." I took her cue and sat down beside Lisa. Yve was still standing beside us.

"Lisa, please don't cry. When you cry you make someone who still loves you very sad too."

Her sobbings reduced to sniffings immediately. She looked up at me with her wet eyes. They were even more beautiful this way. Those sparkling and penetrating eyes.

"You... I don't understand what you mean." she said weakly, trying to think clearly.

"Lisa, listen. After you left me, my heart almost went with you until Sally came along. She filled the void that you created. But still, I could not forget you. I still thiought of you and that day when I wanted to discuss my relationship with Sally, she saw us and as you know, she wanted me to choose between you and her. I chose you. I have always loved you. I am bad in expressing my feelings and I want you to know now that I love you."

At this moment she seemed to sober herself. She wiped her eyes dry and looked into my eyes. I fixed my gaze on her too. After a while she looked down. I was quite lost at what to say.

"Min, please excuse both of us. I want to have a talk with Lisa." Yve said.

I did not know what Yve wanted to say to Lisa but I went back to my table and sat there, eating the already cold food.

I spied Lisa shaking her head a few times and Yve did most of the talking. Finally Yve came over and said "Min, I've tried my best. Go over to her now."

"What did both of you talk about?"

"Ask her. Go now. I'll be waiting here."

I went over quickly. Lisa did not want to look at me in the eyes. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact. She had become shy again.

"Lisa, what did Yve say?"

"She... she told me about your true feelings towards me. I am quite grateful for that. I appreciate that. Thank you. She also asked me to consider loving you again. I..."

I was grateful to Yve too for communicating my feelings and helping me. I just hoped Lisa would just say yes. I prayed silently inside me.

"I don't know what to do. Please give me some time. I need to think this all over again. I really need to. I am quite confused."

"Ok, I will wait for your reply. But remember this Lisa, I have never cheated you and my feelings for you did not change since the first day we met. It had waned a little here when you left but it is getting stronger and stronger. My heart will always follow you wherever you go. You know that."

"I... I know. But..." she cut herself short.

We sent her back that night. Lisa was quite weak physically and emotionally. Yve supported her most of the time. I did not dare to hold her because I know if I did I would not let go.

The next day one of Lisa's friends called me.

"Min, Lisa tried to commit suicide. She had an over dosage of sleeping pills. The doctors are trying to cleanse her stomach in GH now. Hurry!"

I took a cab. It was eleven p.m. When I reached there, I saw her parents and little sister with her friend who called me outside an emergency room. They looked worried. I went over and joined them. I was very frightened that the worst would happen. I prayed silently to the heavens to save her. She was just a victim of love. Oh... please don't let her die.

After half an hour, a few hospital staff came out. One of them spoke to us.

"There is nothing to worry now. She is fine but quite weak. We had cleansed and flushed her stomach and removed the toxins already. By the way, who gave her those sleeping pills?"

"They are actually my wife's. Her doctor prescribed them to her when she complained of insomnia." Lisa's father replied.

"I see. Anyway, there is nothing to worry. She will have to stay in the hospital for a few days to be observed. After that she can go home."

We were all so relieved. I advised Lisa's parents and friend to go back home. Her parents were old and were quite tired.

I walked by the side when the nurse pushed Lisa's roller bed to a ward. The nurse told me that I could go back too but I preferred to stay. I sat beside her. She was still unconscious. I just wanted to stay a little while longer with her. Just in case she needed someone there. Just in case I might never get to see her again if such things were to happen again. I realised how precious time with another person you love is while we are still alive.

A policeman came shortly. He was directed by the nurse to Lisa's bed.

"Is this the girl who tried to commit suicide?"

"Yes, but she is sleeping now. Can I help you?"

"I need to take a statement. What is your relation to this girl?"

"I..." I pondered for a while. I had suddenly forgotten what my relation to her was. At the same time I did not want to make a fool of myself in front of the policeman.

"I am her good friend." I replied.

"I see. Can you tell me exactly what you know about the facts of this case? Wait... your name first, please?"

After giving my statement, I stayed on. I spent the night with Lisa. She slept quite peacefully, except that she woke up once and asked for water. I gave it to her and she went back to sleep immediately. The duty nurse there was quite relieved that she had one less patient to take care of.

The next day Lisa woke up at ten a.m. She looked a bit tired but after the nurse brought her to wash up, her face looked radiant again.

"The nurse told me you stayed here whole night." she said slowly and weakly.

"Yes. I just wanted to be with you."

She was silent for a while. She looked out of the window and stared at the buildings faraway. Suddenly she broke down and cried.

"Lisa, cry your heart out. I won't stop you. If you want to tell me anything, just say. I am here for you."

She sobbed louder. I sat on her bed and held her in my arms. She cried for quite some time. When her crying reduced to sobbing, I asked,

"Why did you do such a silly thing?"

"I just don't know. I just hate myself for being so naive to fall for him again. He cheated me again. I just hate myself for being so worthless and stupid. I hate myself. I lost confidence in everything because it seems that my love life is always in a mess. I just wanted to die and let go of everything."

"No. You should not say that. Do you know if you leave there would be many people who will be very sad? Think about how your parents will react. Think about who will take care of them. Think about your little sister. Who is going to guide her?"

"I don't know."

"But most of all Lisa. If you leave, someone will be very sad because he loves you very much. Don't you see? Without Roger, you will still have me! And why do you make those who love you so much so sad? Your parents love you, and I love you too, very much."

"Isn't it too late that I know now?"

"No Lisa. We can start all over again."

"I... I need time to think over again. I can't answer you right now. I need to think carefully this time."

"I know. I also hope you don't foul up your next relationship. Whether with me or not. I will wait for you reply."

I don't know if what I said was correct. She started sobbing again. After a while, she stopped. She kept quiet for a long time. A short while later, her parents came to visit her.

I had stopped my teaching temporary to be with her. Lisa also had a re-paper in a CS subject. We revised together in the hospital initially until she became fit enough to leave the place. I went to her place to continue our preparation for our re-paper. Ken came to help once in a while. After every 'revision' day, I would stay for dinner. I think I had built a good rapport with her parents.

Roger did not call her again. Perhaps Roger had made used of that night as a reason to dump her again. Yve was very supportive. She encouraged me and taught me how to win Lisa heart again, only this time it was harder.

The supplementary examinations came and went. We went out many times after our re-papers. The four of us: Ken, Yve, Lisa and me. Each time we went out, I would be extra careful not to see her directly into her eyes or touch her. Ken and Yve noticed that too but they did not tease me about it. They understood me. They are wonderful friends.

The supplementary examination results were released just before the new academic year. Both of us passed. We went out to celebrate that very day, the three of us and Ken of course. That day also coincided with Lisa's twentieth birthday. Ken and Yve had specially arranged a bowling session in Marina South for the four of us.

It was first time bowling for all of us other than Ken, the playful one. I saw a jukebox machine there. I dedicated the song 'Nothing is going to change my love for you' to Lisa, with Ken's and Yve's support of course. I even sang along with the song to Lisa. She was quite touched and happy.

Later in the evening we went to a Korean restaurant for a seafood buffet dinner. The food was okay and we had a great time. After dinner Ken took out a cake. I brought out my present too. It was a hand-made card and a framed-up sketch of her that I had drawn. She was a bit shocked to see it.

"I am really impressed Min. It's not exactly like me but I like it very much. Thank you."

After she said this, I gave her a bouquet of 20 pink roses in full bloom. She looked at me sweetly and said, "This is the first time you gave me flowers."

It was quite remarkable how she remembered when did someone do what. I did not know how she did it but I guess she treasured every happy moment she had and remembered them.

Ken and Yve arranged for the cake to be brought there by another friend. The friend came and joined us for dinner. That night, after cutting the cake Lisa made a wish. Ken asked her what her wish was but she shyed away. Upon further prodding by Yve, she said,

"I wish Min and I can start all over again."

I was so happy. It was quite hard to believe that she had agreed to give our relationship another try. Finally she had agreed.

Ken and Yve gave her a present each. Suddenly an idea struck my mind.

"Lisa, I have one more thing for you."

"Oh... what is it?"

She looked around, trying to find what I had for her.

"What I have is what money cannot buy. For this twentieth birthday of yours, I am giving you my heart and myself. Do you want it?"

I see a role reversal here. It was her who asked me that question barely nine months ago.

She smiled sweetly and gave me a hug and a kiss. That was the first time I touched her after so long. It was really a 'warmth' one. I will remember every moment of it.

Ken, Yve and the friend who sent the cake went back in that friend's car, deliberately leaving us behind. I appreciated that very much.

Like two new lovers, we walked clumsily to the bus-stop. I would seize any opportunity to hold her hand and she would withdraw hers after the 'obstacles' were cleared. Like new lovers who do not know what to do, we stumbled with words and actions. It was like falling in love all over again.

When second year started, we went out to the hop and jams as like last year. This time it's the three of us. Ken, Lisa and me. Yve had gone back to NTU.

Second year was busier than first year. There were more projects and most of our time were spent on tutorial and projects. We were quite busy but we still took time out to see shows and stroll in the parks, just Lisa and me.

One day in October we went to our usual weekend haunt and I asked Lisa, "Lisa, how much do you love me?"

She was surprised at the question. She thought for a while and replied.

"When I first fell in love, it was with Roger. He left me for another 'better' person. I do not know how he measured better. But he thought he would be better with her. I see that he is someone who goes to where he thinks is better for him, quite selfish.

"The second one is the mugger I told you about. We could actually strike it off but he left me after he knew I cheated him. I guessed he must be pretty angry with me. I really have nothing against against him at all. It was me who fouled up everything.

"The third one sacrificed so much for me. He cared a lot for me too. But he died in his foolishness I think. I owed him and his family a lot. He was the only son you know. I can never forget him.

"The last one was you. You are the only one who I like right from the beginning. For the others, I sort of grew to learn to love them over a period of time. You are different. And all of them left me. But you are the one whom I left. Yet you still wanted to come back to me after a year. I was touched. You have shown me your love to be true and persistent, and I have known you better. More importantly, I find myself falling in love with you again. This time it's stronger and more assured. I am more confident of myself now. It is also you that I missed the most when I was not with you. Do you know?

"Also, when I was with you, I did not think of the other guys at all. Only the one who died for me but I guess that was because of guilt. When Roger came to me again, I was happy. But I guess that was because I thought I had found a lost love again. And at that time, I was so sad that you said you wanted to wait. Do you know that I was very sad that you said that?"

I winced at her words. They pierced me right through my heart. I regreted what I did not do then.

"Anyway, Roger did treat me well at first. But he sort of became overly possessive and selfish later. Do you know that once he did not turn up at an appointment because one of his friends delayed him at the earlier appointment? He could have called me since he was picking me up but then he did not. I mean, if he could do that once, he could also do that again sometime later. He put his other friends before me and also he did not allow me to see some of my friends whenever our appointments clashed.

"The last straw came when I found out he cheated me again, the second time. You know what happened after that. He made me leave him because he wanted to leave me.

"In all those previous relationships, it was them who left me. I did not leave any of them except you. I was one who is quite contented to be loved.

"But for you, it is different. It is only after so long, almost a year for me to see that your love for me is true. That there is an assurance that you will stay with me in the long run. The chemistry bewteen us is strong. Tell me, won't you be happy? Won't you love someone who cares so much for you? Won't you love someone who has sacrificed so much for you? Won't you love someone who loves you so much?"

"Yes I will. Very much."

"Tell me, how much you love me?"

"How much? I have waited for a long time for you to come back to me. I have been through many things that teach me how to love. And I did things that only true love will do."

I stared at him. I know that this time, he has found his real love, and I mine, because in his eyes, I see true love.

The End.

Through his eyes
I tell my stories.