I COULD not understand what turned me into an exceedingly impulsive and censorious monster that day. The devil of belligerence must have gotten the better of me. And now I have to bear the dire consequence of my deed, or rather, my misdeed. God knows how I have survived the dismal days for the past two weeks. I wrote a dozen letters to Angel, one on each day, hoping for a better prospect, but her obdurate refusal to reply seemed rather firm, and to me, cruel.

Last night I could not sleep
Drown in some thoughts so deep
So confused, so worried, so frightening
Can you kindly tell me what's happening?
Garf
4^th Jan 1992

Time is getting slower
Is everything gonna be over?
So is it wise to believe
"It is more blessed to give
Than to receive"? (Acts 20:35)
Garf
5^th Jan 1992

Yearning to hear your side of the story
Oh please enlighten me
I've been keeping my days free
For your heart to reach me
But when will it ever be?
Garf
6^th Jan 1992

Life is not meant to be fribbled away
Trifling is not my style, I'd say
But since when did I get into such disarray?
Weeks by weeks, days by days
My heart awaiting you to allay
And it seems like there's still a long long way.
Garf
7^th Jan 1992

Though you have chosen to remain in silence
I'll keep trying, I've determination
Until the day you say "stop it!"
Will then I reluctantly quit.
Garf
8^th Jan 1992

Examination is drawing close
Anxiety thus arouse
Would thinking of you help a little?
Alas! A new anxiety has begun to kindle.
Garf
9^th Jan 1992

How many times have I to fantasize
Holding hands and looking into each other's eyes
How many times have I to try
And fail, and try, and fail, and all these, why?
Garf
10^th Jan 1992

I have a story to share, nobody cares
I have a poem to share, nobody cares
I have a song to share, nobody cares
I have a feeling to share, nobody cares
I have a life to share, nobody cares
Will you care?
Garf
11^th Jan 1992

I am in deep trouble
I've poured out my emotion too soon, too hastily
I am feeling vulnerable
I am feeling insecure
Don't you know that man, like woman, needs security
Very much too?
Garf
12^th Jan 1992

Those were the days, I reminisce
All the times we had together
But those days are getting further and further
Now there's no more joy, and no more bliss
Would you help to clear the mist
Was I ever on your list?
Am I still on your list?
Or will I ever be on your list?
Garf
13^th Jan 1992

This is message eleven
Eagerly waiting for your reaction
Preferably some clarification
On this what's-going-on situation.
Garf
14^th Jan 1992

I've just made a great discovery
I'm gonna be the greatest man in history!
What people have been believing so truly
That for every action
There's an equal and opposite reaction
Is plain nonsense
Coz I've done some experiments
Not one, not two, but eleven
And yet there's still no reaction
So Newton's law needs some correction
Any objection?
Garf
15^th Jan 1992

I was on the verge of hysteria when I found a letter in my locker earlier this morning. From the handwriting on the envelop I could deduce that it is from Angel. However, I couldn't bring myself to read the contents. I thought it would be wiser to read it after lessons, when I am alone.

And so now I am alone. It is past five, the last tutorial of the day was just over. I've found a spot above LT 24 where I can overlook most of the buildings, where I can watch daylight gradually retreats, submitting to the reign of rising darkness. With trembling hands, I open the letter to face the final verdict:

Dear Garf,

I am utterly disappointed with you, Garf.

I thought I have given you enough time to figure out what happened. But you didn't bother. Instead you sent me poem after poem accusing me of bringing all the misery upon you.

If there is something I need to apologise about, there is only one.

And it is what I wanted to tell you 3 weeks ago, the last time we met. But you didn't give me a chance.

I was about to tell you that my family is leaving this country, for good. We are leaving for the States on the 6^th next month. I didn't tell you any earlier because I thought I could stay here to complete my study first, and we weren't that close then.

. . .

I ran into Turk and his friend David that day, and I told him about it. Actually you are the first person I wanted to tell.

But you made a big fuss out of it.

And I didn't tell anybody anything about mooncake.

Everything is over now. This will be my last letter for you.

I won't forget the fond moments we had together. All the best Garf, and take care.

Deeply hurt,
Angel
17-01-1992

My vision becomes blurred. I am shaken with grief, besieged with guilt. The sky is falling apart, so is my heart. I walk down the stairs, pass the buildings, across the field, up the overhead bridge, down the road... I just keep walking and walking. Never mind where it leads to...

You are my mornin
You are my af'noon
You are my evenin
You are my nite

You gif me rainbow
So soft n mellow
You gif me sorrow
The day you go ...